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Your life of more related to the Thanksgiving table

feel live Dec 06, 2020

We all have had the experience of over-indulging when in comes to holiday meals and the discomfort that prevails.

How that relates to our conversation here.... our tendency to take on more despite the discomfort!

Month after month we are challenged with the constant pull for more, and in the case of our jobs and careers the continued taking on more many times leads to the point of combustion, emotionally and physically.

I appreciated a recent conversation with colleague regarding our needs as driven professionals to consistently FEED THE HUNGER of our drive and motivation vs. the experience of comfort or finding a level of contentment with our current lives.  Our discussion brought up a few points worth discussing:

  • Mind the gap
  • Phases of life
  • Inner drive 

My colleague was struggling with each of these elements to some degree which of course was creating the internal conflict of DRIVE vs. COMFORT.  It was evident that comfort was judged externally as unacceptable and a sign of laziness, but that we have programmed this value of society as our own belief, which I believe is of significant harm to our finding joy and inner peace in how we show up in our lives.


This simply describes the difference between where you are and where you want to be.  If we have met our current 'where we want to be' don't we have to right to settle there instead of diving into what's next or something more?  Our society or our work environments seem to create a sense of never enough.  Whether it be KPI's, certifications, # of clinics you lead or the overall comparison to others the presence of an external influence can keep your focus on meeting the expectations of others and therefore you never truly gaining a sense of your own personal fulfillment.


We all know the analogy of reaping and sowing for different seasons of our lives, so I want to ask a question.  Have you ever defined the decade of our lives?  For example, for the 10-19 year old period, we are seeking our own identity as well as autonomy in relation to ourselves - you know that period of getting out of our parent's house.  Then there is the 30-39 year old period where we dive deep into our family lives and the selfless requirements and discovering all things raising kids.  Then we can jump to the 50s and most become empty nesters and explore more meaningful aspects of life, relationships, and commitments.

Why I ask that question?  My own reflection on both my personal and professional identities through each decade really allowed me to differentiate the DOING from the BEING.  And how the BEING has gained greater prevalence in my current life.  Being an achiever, I spent a great deal of time up through my mid 30's driving toward excellence based on the career opportunities that presented.  I love to learn, so all of my extra effort I justified as being fueled by my need for more knowledge in which to make a greater impact.  

Sound familiar?

I THOUGHT I was busy becoming a great clinician.  But I FELT exhausted.  My mind and body were experiencing something quite different in themselves and it absolutely led to what so many therapists expereince in massive burnout.

What I knew for sure, there was no way I was going back.  And that meant listening more to how I FELT.  I recognized that my internal system was much more in tune with what was right for me in this season of my life.  And that physical experience represented WHO I WAS BEING and not what I was doing.


It is absolutely true that pain or pleasure in enough quantity motivates us to take action and they also influences choice and behaviors.  And one very common theme is FEAR and fear of __________ (fill in the blank).  So let's keep this one simple, we don't have to be afraid of NOT being afraid.  Since pain and fear are frequent influences in our lives, it is common that when we get to that place in life where fear is no longer, can we allow ourselves to be without it?  Can you have high levels of success and enjoy the pleasure of life without feeling pain?

When we lack the recognition of this dependence, we never allow ourselves to be satisfied.

For the next 3 months I encourage each of us to be mindful of these three elements and how they can either bring fulfillment or create a need for doing more in what we are choosing to give our time, energy and resources to each day.


Live.  Feel.  Think.  DIFFERENTLY.



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